February 20, 2012

" How happy am I willing to be? "

" You do not have to live your life as a tragedy " said Ms Sirois... and it suddenly dawned on me that I had spent the past 25 years of my life as the main character role of a victim... in my own life!
A victim!
Yes me... a victim... the same victim I learned to be until I ran away from home at 19.


Then... this is why... 
I got an ah-ha moment !


Why I had never been enough... or I was too muh...
Why I had never taken the time to be content... always looking for the best, the better, the most, the more, the high, the higher... 
Why I had overeaten and bitched about my weight all in one juicy bite...
Why I could never stay in situations that challenged me to the core... thinking too little of me or the others...
Why I had always searched for that special someone outside of myself to give meaning to my existence... who would believe in me more than I... who would finally parent the inner-child...
Why I had never been good enough for the better-than-I people... 
Why I would admire secretly and hate myself openly...
Why I have been so afraid of my potential... keeping it in a place where not even I could reach it...
Why I would always anticipate the worse at all times... believing the untold part of the fairy tales... 


Anyways, here you see me... as I am... the always and the nevers... " how happy am I willing to be? " Ms Sirois asked us... 
" How happy am I willing to be? "
Victim no more I feel inside my gut... but also wandering what should be next.
I  can hear Ms Sirois reply... "Only one thing!  Do only one thing, but do it well. "
What to do?  what to choose?  So many things, so little time (since I wasted so much time acting as a victim)... what the heck am I to do now if I am no longer required as the main character of my own movie?  Who will I be and become if I am no longer that of which I took for my identity?  
Dunno... really dunno this time.


I know now why some people  who really mattered to me left my life without a word... 
" Choosing different to obtain different results " , right?   If I want to attract happiness, I must leave my story and make a new one...  
Keeping an open mind, an open heart and a free soul... following my intuition (my Higher Power's voice) and creating in all areas of my life.  Making myself available to the world as Life will choose to use me in this life and what I have learned up 'til now. 
We'll see...
I'll keep you posted...



Thank you Maria...

YESTERDAY'S...